Can i not drive my cunt home
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
