The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
