can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
