Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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