I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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