Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
