My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i've created a new STD.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
sex in a hospital.. check
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
