I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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