What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
