I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
