I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
