They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize