apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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