my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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