Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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