it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
