maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
