i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
