I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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