just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
