Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
meet me or not, i'm out of control
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
