There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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