I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
