with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
