in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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