i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
