Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
