is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Enjoy the penises
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
