also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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