so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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