The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I feel great
I just peed on a car
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
