What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
