I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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