Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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