I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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