I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I supernannyed him into submission
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I did not marry a roomba.
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