He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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