I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
