So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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