Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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