well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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