we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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