I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
