If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
