you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
