the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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