I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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