I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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