no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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