i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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