Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
