end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
