Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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