I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
