had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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