Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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