quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
