there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
