stop calling my apartment porn island.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
