I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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