its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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