That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
