I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
