so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
