ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.