Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.