They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.