If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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