does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!