i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
