it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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