I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
