Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
