I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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