im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
