Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
