i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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