You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
