people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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