apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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