A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wish my penis had a tongue
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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