This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
