I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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