Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Holy sore nipples Batman
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
