So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
