I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
